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It's been a long fucking time   
02:06am 08/12/2004
 
mood: awake
Im in the computer lab and i can't sleep. I feel like a lot has happened the last time i updated but then i don't. But then i don't even know where to start. I think its funny that when my study habits are actually starting to improve, the semester is almost over. I cannot believe i got 100% on my psych test. I wanted to run up and down the halls screaming. It's weird but im not very stressed for finals i know i can do well on my psych final and all i need is a 69 in philosophy to get an A in the class so im not to worried. I hope i can pull a B in math right now im sitting @ a 78 and I've been studying my ass off because i want it soo bad, I don't think I've ever wanted to do nursing so bad in my life i even applied to start volunteering. Thanksgiving break was really relaxing, it was good to see my brother and rina and april and bre i just wish my grandpa hadn't broke his hip and was put in the resthome again he was doing so well. I've been working a lot too so hopefully my paychecks will be pretty good so i can actually put some money in my account. The girls at nordstrom are so nice it made me feel good the other day when they told me that they feel like im another employee of the BP Crew even if i am only there on the weekends (besides holiday time) oh yeah and my mom is trying to hook me up with one of the boys that works in one of the departments because she thinks he is cute and he works @ nordstroms and goes to the newman center wtf? i can spit my own game lol but i know her intentions are good. I ran into Katie and her mom in the mall I don't know what really happend there. It was mostly me because I don't know if I could handle certain situations anymore I also realized that even though it was only about a month and a half ago to two months that we stopped talking, we aren't the same people anymore. Im slowly making new friends and hanging out with the girls in pv east is so much fun. I like hanging out with biz too we have so much fun goofing off. My roomate and i are getting along really well and i will miss her over winter break. But im ready for winter break because i can't wait to relax. But a part of me still can't seem to settle down and just relax. The first semester is so overwhelming and I'm not proud of some of the habits I've picked up. I've gained some weight, my sleeping patterns are off, and i did the most horrible thing, started smoking. Thats why im kind of anxious to go home because i know i wont be able to get away with it, therefore wont do it. I really miss the people i hung out with on a constant basis junior year @ church and senior year with my 2 best friends. I know that we don't talk so often but there is just some nostalgia there that i miss so much. Those crazy dance parties and sleepovers @ my house. Hanging out on the weekends and what not its just not the same. I also have to keep in mind that its still the 1st semester in my 1st year. And then again i know im partly to blame because i haven't really kept in touch as much as i would've liked to. But like i was telling katies mom, i don't really talk to anyone as much as i would like not even my brother or dad or my grandparents the only person i talk to every single day is my mom. I know the whole busy thing is not an excuse but i've just been so busy studying and reading on the weekends that i've completley lost touch with my social life the last time i went out was probably a month ago and lord knows i can't even remember the last time i got drunk was lol. And then i always think well they are just a phone call, text or im away but then i think well ill just do it tomorrow but then tomorrow comes around and its just like a chain reaction. I know i need to work hard for nursing, but i still shouldnt forget about my social life as well. Fuck someone stole my digital camera the other day and i was pissed i want to save up to buy a new one but my brother said i should hold out till x-mas im just pissed because it shouldn't have happend and whoever did it i want to knock the fuck out lol. I think i've summed up everything that has gone on since i last updated. I didn't fall off the face of the earth but just lost touch of things...i guess. Well i better get going its 2:30 in the morning and im supposed to go to sleep, but i probably wont because im a raging insomniac. I just can't wait for break because i seriously need to lay low and get drunk ha. Also to anyone who is reading this who is my friend, i love you and think about you everyday and everybody good luck on finals! p.s i think i love jessica simpson her music is so good
 
     

(2 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
I'll do what it take till i touch the sky   
12:04am 24/10/2004
 
mood: anxious
music: Live Like You Were Dying ~ Tim McGraw
So many changes and hurdles to go over its overwhelming...i want to keep in touch with the old friends i've slowly been losing touch with. But how can I keep in touch with old friends if i can't even keep in touch with myself. I feel like i've lost myself and the person i've made myself out to be, the kind of person i've wanted myself to be. My confidence is shot and i want to regain it. Im doing my best but its not enough. I need a sign i need faith but sometimes it seems like god's too busy to look out for me. Maybe it will come around someday but not soon enough
 
     

(2 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
Maybe Just Ask Me   
11:31pm 08/10/2004
 
mood: lazy
music: Sex And The City
I got season one of Sex and the City its awesome and im staying here tonight watching it. GO RED SOX for winning the ALDS and beating the angels. By the way i told a lot of my friends i dyed my hair black like ashlee simpson, welp here is a pic...!


title or description
 
     

(4 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
Somebody please send me a sign...   
04:43pm 01/10/2004
 
mood: gloomy
music: Mr. Jones ~ Counting Crows
I just don't understand anymore. Im so confused and so lost. I've discovered how much of a homebody i am. I would rather stay in on the weekend and study then go out. I feel trapped i dont really go anywhere else besides work my dorm and home those are the 3 things i know and i hate being at them. Im so stressed out with school. I have never studied so hard for anything in my life and i failed my tests i really just dont understand it. I feel so overworked. It makes me so mad because i dread mondays but sometimes i seek out the weekend because then i feel some sort of relief but then friday rolls around and i just get stressed out because of the upcoming week. There is so much to do all the time. I just don't know. Ariel called me today and i am just homesick from her and rina. I used to go from seeing them everyday @ school to only seeing rina every so often and not even seeing ariel until thanksgiving. I regret not hanging out with them a lot in high school when they would always ask me to on the weekends. I just miss them a lot we always had so much fun together. I hope school gets better i really do because right now im just hating asu. and the worst part is im mainly frustrated with myself.
 
     

(I am beautiful)

 
i guess its for a good cause, and maybe ill thank him someday...   
08:57am 22/09/2004
 
mood: jealous
music: Shut Up ~ Black Eyed Peas
last night john took my vanilla cigarettes away from me :( i spent 6 dollars on those im kinda pissed. he said i could have them back to smoke socially but if i ever smoke on a regular basis again then he said he would make me smoke a whole pack of marlboro reds in one night one right after another and after that i would be so tired, but no he wont let me sleep he'll make me stay up and look @ pictures of lungs with him and he wasn't kidding. i understand his intentions are good but its my body and im gonna die someday well there is nothing i can do now. either dont smoke or smoke and get caught and smoke a whole nasty ass pack of marlboro reds that dont even compare to the vanillas and then i will be so sick i wont want to ever smoke again
 
     

(5 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
slide me to my room and i will runaway, runaway, runaway   
05:11pm 21/09/2004
 
mood: contemplative
music: On The Way Down ~ Ryan Cabrera
i feel so reliefed right now and i wont have stress for awhile. School just seems to be getting so hard and i've never had such a workload, it's nothing compared to high school the workload is incredible. also because i never really exerted much effort to even do anything and its totally different now. Sometimes i'll sit around and be like there is nothing to do but guess again, there is always something to do! like catching up on reading or studying or whatnot. I know its getting hard but i refuse to give up i want to be a nurse soooo bad! i just wish sometimes teaches could see how much you are trying instead of 100% of your knowledge i mean what if you make an accident. and whats up with this no study guide shit? or the teachers that tell you to study a specific thing and then you get your test and there is absolutley nothing on the test i hate that! this past weekend i went home i didnt go out @ all i went home just to study and on sunday i had like a nervous breakdown just from freaking out i called my brother and eric and they gave me good advice just telling me to put my books away until i got home from church so i did that. well i took my math test today and my chemistry yesterday and i know i didnt fail but i know i didnt ace it with flying colors but had i not studied i wouldve done a whole lot worse i think i get test anxiety and then i freak out during the test. the palms of my hands are creating dead skin from sweating in them so much during test time and studying! that never used to happen to me! crazy! it just sucks because im the kid who studies really hard and puts all this effort in and still dont do as well as id like its almost as if i feel like well what was the point of even studying when i couldve gone out i still wouldve gottnen thev same grade right? but then again its only the 4th week so im still adjusting phase like my brother told me and sooner or later it will get better and easier. i know i freak myself out way too much and that doesnt even help. Im really pissed off @ myself because i've been smoking. Its a disgusting unattractive habit but i dont feel the need to do it all the time. Im excited for rina to come down and i can see her for a little bit on sat but i need to cut myself some slack and give myself a break. and can't over exert myself studying all i know is that this weekend im getting faded! although not everything is so bad the guys down my hall are really cool and i feel like i can tell them anything they are awesome and the girls are really cool 2 and im glad i reconnected with jennifer again who knew that after all these years living across the street and not talking for like 3 or 4 years we reconnect because of our psychology class crazy! well i think ill go take a nap so im out for now. tonight is the real world with erik and joanne :-D
 
     

(I am beautiful)

 
getting better   
04:34pm 14/09/2004
 
mood: indifferent
music: The Best Deceptions ~ Dashboard Confessional
we talked on the phone last night...she said forget about it pretend like it never happend. Im pretty sure we are a lot better now it will just take a while for me because i still feel really bad. Im thankful for a friend like her.
 
     

(I am beautiful)

 
Tucson   
01:39pm 12/09/2004
 
mood: aggravated
music: silence
It wasn't the best weekend and it wasn't the worst...if i had to sum it all up in a nutshell it would be dramatic and over-rated.

im pissed because my internet broke again.
 
     

(1 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
umm hi   
02:29am 28/08/2004
 
mood: drunk
yeah can i just say that the male specie sucks... except for matt cicinelli but seriously guys suck i truly believe that only 1% of the men in this world are genuinely decent!
 
     

(4 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
So I should start by saying goodbye to summer...well i still have a week   
10:35am 06/08/2004
 
mood: calm
music: Library Classical Music
where to even start my computer is a piece of crap infested with porn viruses all over it so i have to go to the library to write...I cannot believe that I only have a week and a day left before i move into the dorm and while im soo excited to move in im sad @ the same time. no offense to you summer but you kinda sucked, i spent most of it in hospitals and nursing homes and everyone has been pretty preoccupied w/ heading off to college and such. I don't mind spending all that time w/ my grandpa though those moments are just irreversible Yesterday was the day where if i haven't talked to my friends from high school w/i 2 weeks i was going to call them so i did...i called rina ariel and biz. Biz and i hadn't talked pretty much since my birthday so i decided to call her and just do some catch up i plan on seeing her around next year...but it wont be all the same. I called ariel and got her voicemail but then later in the night she called and we talked on and off for 3 hours @ 1st i thought it would be akward since we hadn't talked in so long but it was the weirdest thing because it just seemed like we picked up where we left off. I can't believe she is leaving to the other side of the country in just 2 weeks i haven't even seen her this whole summer! When we were talking last night all those good times and crazy inside jokes we had just came flashing back, i didn't realize after talking to her last night just how much i will miss her, and yeah there have been those times where we duked it out and totally got on eachothers nerves to the point where we couldn't stand eachother but all those good times totally outbeat them i guess it also means true friendship can withstand anything! Rina never called back but i know she is just so busy i heard that right when she gets back from tucson she is going straight to new jersey and she gets back the day before she moves into her dorm. Im kinda upset i probably wont see her again until a couple of weeks into the school year which i dont mind but we only really hung out once this summer or was it twice? idk Im also going to miss my brother a lot i can't really specify it, he's my brother im just going to miss him point blank.
this summer i realized a couple things...
i didn't really think fate exsisted until this summer
It was fate that my grandpa went into the hospital, before that i was going through depression and was even diagnosed as clinically depressed, the doetors say that i still have it an can get it back anytime but idk i guess it was just weird that took the event of my grandpa to stop thinking about myself and look around and see what i do have and not take things for granted because something so speCIAL can be taken so quickly. i try to live everyday to its fullest because idk when my time is up but lord know im gonna live it up before i go!
It was fate that i changed my major to nursing right before school started. I found my calling in the sense that i really want to help people and make them feel good even if they hate the situation they are in. I also want to support myself financially and not have to depend on someone to take care of me...IM INDEPENDENT lol
It was fate that i got to live out my 16 candles birthday wish as i had wanted all along the irony? lol enough said.
i have also realized that no matter how hard you try some people are just flaky and you can't change that.like alexis tells me, i should stop being so nice because i can't keep investing time in others when they don't feel the same way. I know there is too sides to a story but i have done my part in trying for the past year. And to finally say it is that im done no more. I did have some good times definitely and i hope she does good in college i wish her the best in life, just like i want that for everyone else too.
Well i should get going after this long ass novel entry no not really but i have limited time on the computer and i have to write and email and drop by alexis' bye guys!
 
     

(2 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
Definitely 16 candles   
09:03pm 12/07/2004
 
mood: exhausted
music: Everywhere ~ Michelle Branch
I know awhile back, i was all like yeah it would be so cool to have a 16 candles type birthday but lemme tell u it completley sucks! I know under the circumstances we can't really celebrate and my mom hadn't planned anything special or no presents which is completley fine...i know everyone in the family has been busy. But today when i woke up no one even told me Happy Birthday...i had to remind everybody what day it was. It completley sucked! I called to talk to my mom and started talking to the secretary and telling her how no one in my family remembered and she was like its 16 candles but @ least Molly Ringwald got the hotty and let alone she liked the guy. Im pretty sure even if i liked him the feeling would not be shared nor can i get a hotty, well not right now. The mid-day looked up a little. I took myself shopping @ Nordy's and forever 21 and how the hell did i spend 58 dollars @ forever 21 on just complete shit? like literally shit! i guess i was venting. but it felt good and then when i got home, i saw some flowers on the table and i looked @ the card and the were from the secretaries @ my moms work. I thought that was so nice. And then rina and biz called me and it was nice to chat w/ them. Then my brother and i went to pick up my grandma to see my grandpa and we got mcdonalds, i hadn't eaten all day and i have no idea why but i just kept eating even though i knew i was full...then all that grease got to me and i felt completley sick to my stomach and almost threw up when i got home.

I am so completley beat and tired i just want to crash soo bad. I love my grandpa so much and want the best for him but the inconsistency of the whole thing is just the worst. One day he is on his death bed and then the next he is better then ever. One day he is tired, the next he isn't. It's emotionally and physically draining in fact, i was looking @ pictures of prom and pictures now and all the weight i've lost i can't believe it. Not to mention, its pissing my friends off that i cancel on them :( i get upset because its out of my control, but then its like i dont blame them @ all i want to get away for awhile so bad believe it or not.

the other day, i got my dorm assignment, my roomate is from washington im very excited for school to start but so scared at the same time. At first i thought i was the only one that would get really really apprehensive, because im so close w/ the friends i have kept from high school and it worries me thinking we are all going to make new friends will we forget about eachother but after talking w/ katie i realized she was worried about the same thing especially her and i if we would still talk or what not. Then i realized all my friends probably feel this way and it isnt just me and if me and my friends all claim to be the good friends we are, we will make it work somehow. I just know from personal experiences its so much easier not to call than it is too call. Then i question myself shame on me ~

who wants to marry my dad is a crazy show its like these women in their late 20's early 30's flaunting themselves trying to get a 45-8 year old man lol.

ok so today i turned 18 and im ready to rebel...lol being 18 i can do things like,
vote
go to strip clubs
go to semi decent dance clubs
sleep with like a 26 year old man and not press charges for statutory rape
buy cigarettes
get a tattoo
get a piercing

but i don't want to do something too drastic. I want to do something harmless but cool! I really want to get my belly button pierced but i think i should work on my tummy a little more. Plus my mom would freak...even though i would try really hard to keep it from her lol. I thought about piercing my nose but then after experiementing w/ a little diamond putting it on my nose i realized my nose looked dumb w/ it plus my dad said he would cut me off. Anyway i think a belly button ring would be cool but i have to save up my money.

I really hate the mixed signals...
 
     

(4 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
I bring it on myself...sometimes   
05:14pm 29/06/2004
 
mood: drained
music: I'm Coming Out ~ Diana Ross
Today I had my first day of training @ Nordstroms, Im going to be a cashier! Yay now i will have some spending money for the summer...and hopefully each check i can put some money into my savings so i can by my school books or @ least pay for some of it. I don't want my dad to pay for everything.

I love steve madden, he is god and i seriously think he can do nothing wrong. He makes the best shoes. I don't know why, and i know its bad, but i spend all my money on shopping to cure my problems. shame on me. but i have realized i have the worst shoe vice. I can definitely relate to Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) on sex and the city. i always used to say i hated the show (i felt the same way about the golden girls)...but now im older and understand it but ever since it came to tbs it is my new favorite show. I hope i can get the dvds eventually.

my brother comes home in two days that is somewhat nice to look forward to.

today when i was buying lunch everytime i would move up in line this little girl would follow right behind me and was like crowding me no space what so ever.

what i hate more then anything are rude ass drivers. I hate when you are trying to get in a lane on the freeway and they don't even let you over. they act like they own the road and they dont. they are seriously dumbfucks that need to get a reality check.

although im not much of a big ice cream fan, i was happy to see melina come over and bring me some ice cream and my very first cosmo :-) thanx!

im so cheesy but i can't wait until july 16. The Cinderella story (i think thats what its called) is coming out w/ hillary duff and chad micheal murray. and i have to add that chad micheal murray looks simply irresistible gosh he is sooooo hot. but i don't think he's hot on one tree hill but every other time i see him he is just beautiful! even though i like hillary duff...i like lindsay lohan better :)
 
     

(1 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
There is a such thing as God?   
10:37am 23/06/2004
 
mood: content
music: Bend And Not Break ~ Dashboard Confessional
in these past few weeks i've noticed 3 things...
1)prayer does exist and work...God is listening
2)Family is so very important
3)no matter what happens or the situation, everything works out in the end

my grandpa is slowly but surely getting better.he got release from the hospital and put him in a physical therapy home. last week was really hard because they took away all his machines...the hospital told us he probably wouldnt make it and we didn't think he would either...but he has such determination, he wanted it bad. each day i see him he is that much happier.

I think it's so weird that when something so sudden almost happens regardless if it is a fact of life or not, you are never prepared and it almost seems surreal. It doesnt matter how old the person is or if they had a good life, it still hurts. i get so pissed when people tell me that or when my dad tells me that.

the place my grandpa is @ is also a rest home. Its hard to see people who were once normal people like me not be aware to their surroundings and senses etc. the most sad thing is that some peoples loved ones just drop them there, then say they will come visit and they don't. and when u walk in they all say hi and want to talk to u...because all they want is a smile and a simple hello. I met this one man curtis last night he was so funny...and so nice it was also sad because all his family is in chicago and he is the only one here. im not sure how i would handle if i was in a similar situation.

i think its kinda upsetting that it took a situation such as my grandpas to make me realize to live one day @ a time and to its fullest. Also it taught me how to pray. While I honestly NEVER prayed because I wasn't sure if god was exsisten or not as soon as my grandpa went into the hospital i figured i'd give it a shot. throught this whole experience i realized prayer and god do work in way you don't expect. Just because my grandpa is getting better doesn't mean i'm going to stop prayer this has a lifetime effect. each day is special...

my mom and uncles have been saying how proud they are of me. but this weekend my dad told me he was so proud of me...and while its nice coming from the other people, it really means a lot coming from my dad :-)

i'll get around to getting in contact with all my friends again it just might take a little while to get back in the swing.
 
     

(2 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
It's been a slight while wouldn't you say so?   
10:01am 27/05/2004
 
mood: drained
music: Just Got Paid ~ NSYNC
so much has gone on since i last updated so i'll start from the beginning...

Monday the 17th - that was my asu orientation im having mixed emotions about the whole college thing on minute im so excited the next im crying. but anyway im signed up for 13 credit hours i figured start out small until i get situated plus im taking my english 101/2 over summer so that lets me take less classes too. then i figured 2nd semester i'll take like 16 credit hours. i was very upset because the upper division levels of spanish were all full along w/ the general bio labs so i have to wait till 2nd semester to take both. maybe ill read spanish books i really just hope i dont forget the language my mom thinks im being silly. I decided to major in pre-business though and obviously minor in spanish. the business school @ asu is pretty competitive but im willing to work my but off because i know it will pay off in the end.

Friday the 21 - That was the last day of school which wasn't really sad for me but more relieving because finals were all done. although i complain about how much i disliked but i will miss a lot of things like the people in class i would talk to. seeing rina everyday and class many great teachers like massey, curran, dempsey, greenwald etc. and of course I can't forget Mr. Olson, GOD will I miss Mr. Olson i'll miss his tight ass and his football uniform i don't care if he's 44 years old he looks damn good i seriously hope my husband looks as good as him @ that age! lol on the last day he was giving all the seniors handshakes and rina and i were all like "can i have a hug?" and he was all sure! so we kept giving hims hugs! and then we each took a pic w/ him so we could remember his 1st name is ken but i would be his barbie lol rina and i would always joke about that. but im planning on going back in jan so i can do the hydrostatic bodyfat weighing.

i've been sick all week breaking out in random sweats and fevers then getting really hot and then really cold. not to mention i've been having the worst cramps up the wazoo. we had our graduation practice today it hasn't really hit my yet maybe it will tonight maybe it won't. to say the least im not ready to leave im not ready. but grad night should be very fun... hopefully

this summer the house is going up for sale i know my mom and i will be much happier. i say we throw a big party the day before the new people come in no?

i've been very reclusive there is people that i want to see really bad but havent really tried to make an effort i hope i haven't been forgotten about. it's not that i dont want to see them it's just my personal problems i've been really imbalanced w/ my emotions they are thinking of putting me on something but im not too sure. but then my mom says there is no way of me going to college in this state of mind. people can't understand why i cry all the time or when they ask whats wrong i always say i don't know but the truth is i really don't know. its really hard for people to understand or relate when they dont have the same state of mind like my mom or my brother. but none the less i hope summer is ok.
 
     

(I am beautiful)

 
ummok?   
11:19pm 16/05/2004
 
mood: aggravated
music: Several Ways To Die Trying ~ Dashboard Confessional
i love how my parents suddenly think that they can be a boss of something that they have no control over...sometimes they are the biggest df's i've ever met. IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!
 
     

(2 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
wondering   
09:18pm 13/05/2004
 
mood: pensive
music: Sunflowers ~ Everclear
as much as i despise the yankees, i wish red sox and yankees fans could get along life is to short to be fighting w/ people about insignificant things.

Every day is a blessing. Having the chance to experience life is a blessing. Although im still sad i need to figure a way around it because i figured if all i do is mope around and act sad all the time i WILL miss out on something amazing in my life.

im too lazy to take my yearbook to school i dont want to carry it around...i wish my other really good friends went to my school w/ me right now then they could sign my yearbook 2...i wonder what they would say :-?
 
     

(6 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
I stay wrecked and jealous for this...   
05:59pm 11/05/2004
 
mood: pissed off
music: Cute Without the E ~ Taking Back Sunday
Confirmation was good last night im glad i got to be cheryls sponsor and see everyone @ church. that was a great sermon it really hit home.
What a good friend I am despite my lack of swimming skills i let rina film me doing the freestyle i sucked pretty bad...i hope no one makes fun of me in class tomorrow.
I won a 300 dollar shopping spree in the junior section @ nordstrom...i should be happy and grateful but im not. after that i went to walk around the mall by myself and had a good cry about god knows what but for some odd reason i found it very comforting.
I have no appetite. I know the whole deal...respect your elders but im soo mad @ my grandma...i guess one of her back partials fell out and now she doesnt want to go to my brothers graduation this week in tucson. which means if she doesnt go my grandpa wont go either. Now i know 5% of her mind isnt all there and i shouldnt be mad because she is my grandma but i feel like i have a right to be. I think that is so selfish you have someone who has worked 5 years in their life for their goal and you want the people you most cherish in your life to share that joy with you and there is someone contemplating not going because one of their back teeth is missing that is so selfish...!i really hope she has a change of heart because i know my brother will be crushed if his grandparents couldn't be there.
 
     

(1 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
So this is what it's like??   
10:28am 02/05/2004
 
mood: tired
music: Ghost Of A Good Thing ~ Dashboard Confessional
Friday after school biz and i went to lunch and the mall it was so good to talk to her and get everything all out and she didnt judge me but more counseled me and just listened. I know we don't have the same friends and can go in periods of time where we won't talk but i know she is always there to comfort me and listen and would be there in 2 seconds if i was ever in a bind and needed her. I'm so weird sometimes I think im an oddball because i can't seem to have fun and who even knows if i even remember what fun is, now im not saying i don't drink, but 85% of the time i can't bring myself to consume alcohol because it isn't going to make me have any more/less fun. Last night we went to Willy's party "OMG IT WAS SOOO PRETTY" (right rina) and although i wasn't so hyped up on going Rina wanted to go and i was concentrating on spending time w/ her seeing it was a rough week. im glad it was just a misunderstanding and its better now but i knew she wouldn't understand but know where i was coming from and my feelings. anyway...we where outside and we saw all these people come in and rina and i were just like oh shit because if we liked people from school so much we would be wanting to hang out w/ them on the weekends. Out of everyone there and that i saw last night there only has to be about 10 people that was happy to see. im sorry but wtf was up w/ chase telling rina that her and i wanted to have a 3-some...umm lets see i never talk to u in school and if i do im always rude to u grr i hate cocky people,and people that are hot and know they are hot they're head just gets so big and i have no idea why no one looks that good...and i don't do threesomes i know i shouldnt let the insignificant things that people say get to me because frankly i'll probably come across that throughout life but they do especially in the state of mind im in now but some people seriously just need to get over themseleves. And im not sure if having a headache from 8-12 really helped I would've in a way rather of liked to stay @ home but latley my mom has been forcing me to go get out w/ my friends (shes a crazy lady) Maybe im just ready for highschool to be over but not ready to move on to college. Instead of dealing w/ my problems i'll sleep or i won't eat. shame on me.
*for the most part a lot of this stuff is true about me but they make these things so vague they can be true about anyone :-/
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and
to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in
oneself.
Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feelings. Tactful.
Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and
unpredictable. Moody and
easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful.
Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides
others physically and
mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions
carefully. Caring and loving.
Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy.
Wary and sharp. Judges
people through observations. Hardworking. No
difficulties in studying.
Loves
to be alone. Always broods about the past and the
old friends. Likes to be
quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never
looks for friends. Not
aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach
and dieting problems.
Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to
recover


What does your birth month say about you?
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(4 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
I'm obsessed w/ posting pics   
09:38pm 26/04/2004
 
mood: content
music: (I've Got That) Boom Boom Boom ~ Britney Spears
ok so lots of people have been asking to see pictures of my dress so here it is...katie and i took pictures b4 we went off w/ our own groups i love posting pics...



 
     

(5 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
ok here it is   
04:22pm 26/04/2004
 
mood: creative
music: Hey Mama ~ Black Eyed Peas
so i finally figured out how to post pictures...these are from after prom i didnt the ones b4 prom i havent developed yet...
HEY MAMA! it's an after party! )
 
     

(9 Word(s) can't bring me down | I am beautiful)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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